5. On getting better
Dear Readers,
I have better things on my mind. Being better. A better husband, a better lover, better at writing, better at looking after myself, better at looking after the cats, better at work, better at writing… it’s a lot to think about being better at all at once.
It’s appraisal season at work and we’re talking a lot about getting better at what we do, at how we do things, at creating better books. Getting better at creating better books? Getting better at getting better. That’s probably the first step.
I feel like a lot of the good things about us as humans trying, striving, reaching forward, pushing ahead, going further and wanting to doing better, all of that innate, built-in keenness to do the next most important thing has been hijacked in two different ways.
The first way is that corporations of people who make things that we do not need to survive encourage us to believe that we can buy better to be better. Bigger TV, newer car, new phone and all that. And you know all that already. We try not to be duped.
The second way is weirder, more complex and I’m not going to lie, I’m not immune to it. My brother-in-law who looks like a hench Christian Bale sometimes says “comparison is the thief of joy,” a saying maybe borrowed from the less-often quoted Roosevelt. And my good giddy god are we surrounded by comparisons. Likes, sales figures, follower counts, subscriber counts (four here, hello gang), a storm of numbers we’re told give some reckoning of the worth of our creative output compared to that of the other humans. It’s well designed, addictive stuff. And you’re the product that’s being sold to advertisers, etc. etc.
And I get sucked in. I look at the sales figures for my book and compare those figures to other books that are a bit like mine. And then, if I’ve read one of those other books and the sales figures are higher or the author’s posts get more engagement I grumble and fume and think but my book is better, how can this be?
I think I’ve answered my own question here. I’m thinking that book sales are a measure of creative success. Isn’t that me buying into the buy-better-to-be-better mindset, but looking at it from the other side? I’m just like one of those corporations (I’m not like one of those corporations).
I can check in on how much better I’m getting at getting better by comparing my work to my old work (still some joy-pilfering potential there of course) and I can check how I feel about the work I’m doing… actually, that’s pretty good. Feeling better is a much better assessment for me of how I’m doing than looking at numbers. And, as The Muse often reminds me, I can look for inspiration before comparison in the work of people that I admire.
And it’s not all about writing, or work. How I feel about who I am with others and how well I’m caring for or treating them is easy to know too, I can just allow it.
That’s better. The sun is out. Time to do some writing. Thanks for reading.
Yours sincerely,
Paul